Natural Science Forum / Biology / Paleontology / March 2007

You could infiltrate the mafia, then mention that you are an
undercover cop.

--
Greg G.

Clothes: Don't leave home without them!

Well, dying is a good place to start.

André

Careful enbalming, followed by burial under a huge pile of rocks - that should
do it.  But make that pile of rocks look natural!  Otherwise you won't even
last 5000 years underground.

The mummification idea is pretty good but you should carve
radioactivity symbols on your tomb.  Also, warnings about high levels
of radioactivity should be carved onto your tomb in as many languages
as possible so no one in the future will mess with your mausoleum.
Your tomb should be constructed from the strongest stone possible and
located in the most geologically inactive area possible (central
Nevada, maybe?).

As an alternative to mummification, you could have your body put into
a vat of tree sap and you could be like those insects in Jurassic
Park.  Then future scientists could extract your DNA to create a
Quaternary Park exhibit!  I hope this helps.

Find a site that is collecting lots of sediment every year and get
buried there deeply.  Pray that the site is not on a tectonic plate
that is/will subduct.

Harry K

Have an acrylic resin factory turn you into a human trophy.  You
should last for millions of years.  And I think you'll polish up
nicely.

First, you have to die. . .

Bury yourself in soft, anaerobic mud. Do this just before you die, but
don't, whatever you do, sturggle.

Have your body embalmed (fixed with formalin)
and placed in a stone coffin buried as deep as possible.

I think the real problem is that we don't -have- a million years.  The
way things are going I  think it's a dicey proposition that we'll be
around three or four more generations if we don't clean up our act.

Be buried on the Moon.

For best effect, have a titanium plaque buried with you, showing an
arbitrary star chart and some completely meaningless scribbles that look
sort of like writing.  When you're found, people will be talking about
you for centuries.

Perhaps our ancient ancestors felt this way too.  I recall a cartoon from
many years ago (Sid Harris, maybe?)  Well, two cavemen are discussing this,
and one remarks, " My greatest ambition is to become part of the fossil
record."

Bob C

Jump into a tar pit.  There's one in L.A. =)

Too late. God fossilized things 6,000 years ago to make the planet
appear to be old. I don't think he's going there again...

How do you know that some future amateur fossil hunter won't just chisel
past you to get to the fossil below?  :-)

George

  This may be painful. Here are some ideas that you should consider
carefully. You only get to try once.
      You may try the volcano method. Find one of those ashy type
volcanoes. The type that spits out huge quantities of ash and poison
gases. Buy a home there and wait. I recommend an area in the dessert
which is also near a volcano. When an eruption happens, go outside and
allow yourself to be buried.
    Some luck is unavoidable in this technique.  The bodies in those
casts in Pompey decayed away in less than 2000 years. Seeping water
will do that. That is why I recommended a dessert area. However, many
bones from buried ash buried animals have been petrified. I don't know
exactly the conditions that encourage petrification. You may do better
if after being buried in the ash, some molten lava covers the ash. The
ash would then preserve you from being dissolved in the ash. The
frozen lava will protect your body from the ravages of water. If you
are really lucky, some of your soft parts will be baked into the ash
so they can admired your hair, fingernails, and even skin patterns.
       Bury yourself in an area where petrification occassion occurs.
I saw some partially petrified horse and camel bones in southern New
Mexico, about 25 miles west of  Las Cruces. They were only 10-15 KY
old. However, the climate hadn't changed very much since then.
Petrification is a good first step. So I recommend that in your will
you state that you want to be buried, without a casket, in that area.
The original animals had drowned and buried in one of those flash
floods that still occassionally sweep the area.
   Sticky stuff can be helpful. Jumping into an asphalt pit will
ensure your bones will be preserved for at least 40 KY. However, I
take it that you are looking for a longer stay. Someone suggested tree
sap and amber. That is a very good method, I recommend it.
      I also recommend jumping into a highly mineralized hot spring.
I read a story about a newspaper found in a hot spring which had been
petrified in less than 100 years. Unfortunately, I don't have any
references as to where it is. Drowning in that spring sounds like a
really good idea. Also recommended is deep sea burial, where the sea
is one of those extremely salty ones like the Dead Sea.